Day Cary forgot what it was like, to see O Day She's starting to feel right at home. Day People don't go on dates with stress r Day Whole. Just for a moment. Day You can also be whole, if you make the Day It's time. Night: The moon and the sun. Night: The compass points directly at David. Night: We're going to make a wonderful team. Night: Amahl is here. He's part of me.
Night: People only ever see what they want to Night: We gotta figure this out ourselves. Night: You're under arrest for the murder of D Night: Everything David was is inside me. Night: You are my masterpiece. Night: We're your gods now. Night: Be what you need to be. Night: How about we all have a chat? Night: The motion of change is beautiful.
Night: His rational mind knows the truth. Night: The world screams and I am its god. Night: Charles was a private man. It's hard for David to sleep while he's strapped to a bed with needles in his brain. But he's so incredibly tired, exhausted down to his bones. So he drifts in and out of consciousness, sometimes pushed down by the sedative and sometimes pulled up by the pain. The sedative keeps him calm, and it's a familiar, forced calm. It makes him feel like he did in Clockworks.
It makes him feel like they're going to send him right back where he belongs. Clockworks never actually let him out in the first place. His freedom was stolen, an escape made under the false pretenses of a body swap.
So maybe it's just the truth he's feeling. All of this, Summerland and Division 3, that's the dream, the nightmare. Soon he's going to wake up from all of it and he'll be back in those same walls, that same routine; the same questions asked over and over, the same medications forced on his body so it submits.
He'll be just another cog, one tiny gear in the huge machinery of mental health, turned in circles until his mind or his body or both simply give out under the strain and he's thrown away. Will it be worse this time, because he let himself believe he could have anything better? Or easier because he'll go back knowing it's exactly what he deserves? Clark's right about him. He is a danger to himself and others, far more than he ever imagined.
He'd thought that once Farouk was gone, he could finally have the normal life Amy wanted for him, or as close to normal as he could get as an incredibly powerful mutant. But his mental monsters are a hydra, and once one was cut out, two more sprang up in its place. That's probably harsh. Green and Yellow aren't anything like Farouk. It's their existence that's the problem. If he can believe them, they've always been there, even though he didn't know at all.
It's entirely likely that Farouk did make him forget them. Farouk made him forget so much, so much that if David really tries to remember the path of his life, all he finds are fragments, dead ends, roads cut off by lost bridges. Memories of things that aren't real, and real things twisted out of shape. And fear, so much unending, awful, suffocating fear. Green said he'd changed, that he's a different person now than he used to be. But how could he ever be who he was before when there's nothing left of who he was but scraps?
He spent years in Clockworks trying so hard to make himself a person again, sewing those scraps together with bits of cotton thread, and this ragged patchwork quilt is the best he could do. His clearest memories are from his childhood, when everything still felt new and full of wonder and hope.
When he felt as safe and loved as he ever would, surrounded by calming nature, cared for by Amy and his parents and King. Even though his family wasn't his family, even though King wasn't real, he still remembers how much they loved him, and how much he loved them back.
None of that matters, now. How could it matter? All that hard work, and the truth is he failed. He rebuilt himself wrong. That's the only explanation for all of it. He thought he was building a man and instead he made a monster, and maybe that makes sense because he wasn't much better than a monster before. He wanted so much to blame all of it on Farouk: the drugs, the lies, all of it.
But listening to Green, hearing the story of a life that he only knows in fragments, the cold hard truth settled in his gut like a stone.
He's always known what he is. His mistake was letting himself hope he could be someone better. Someone good and loved and worth loving. He can't take it. Their voices are close now, like they're right next to him, but David doesn't open his eyes. He's still in the liminal space between waking and sleeping, the medication holding him level like water weights.
Real shitty advice, right when you were super vulnerable from her trying to murder us. My fault, not yours. And did I mention that she fired an actual bullet at our head?
Yeah, you screwed up, but It was hard, okay? Watching him torture you for— He wouldn't let you hear me for so long. I got— I got angry. At you. But it's his fault. It's always been his fault, this whole—" He sighs. Not again. They're nice words, but they're just telling him what he wants to hear. It's not the truth. The truth is he's the one who messed with Syd's mind because he was afraid of losing her.
The truth is he's the one who lied, who stole for drug money, who got into fights and hurt people and took and took from the people who loved him until there wasn't anyone left who'd ever love him again. It feels good to move again. He starts walking and the world resolves around him into path through a summer forest, all deep greens and sweet air and birdsong.
He walks, just walks, breathing and feeling his body, feeling alive. Maybe he should stay here. Maybe he should never go back. Would the other hims take his place? It would be hard for them to do a worse job of being him than he's done. He doesn't know if they're really whole people but he's not a whole person either. Green would finally be able to make all the right choices he's always wanted to make for them.
Yellow wouldn't have to save him all the time. He walks until the path ends at a beach full of sand and rounded rocks, and he recognizes this place. It's where he and Amy and King used to play, building sand castles and splashing in the waves and throwing rocks into the water as far as they could. He would find a stick and throw it and King would always bring it back, his tail wagging with pure joy.
His whole life is a delusion. Nothing happened the way he remembers. But none of that matters in dreams. He sits down on the shore in a meditation pose, just above the line of wet sand, and closes his eyes. The sun is warm and pleasant. He tastes the salt on the ocean breeze as it ripples through his clothes and hair and caresses his skin.
The waves are steady and he lets his mind follow their sound back and forth, and he drifts, at peace. He's not sure how long he stays this way. A long time, probably hours. But then he hears footsteps crunching in the rough sand, and he opens his eyes.
This is the only place they've let you be alone. David can easily imagine Kerry standing up to Farouk and telling him to get the hell out, even though he could turn her to dust with a thought.
Farouk creates a beach chair and unfolds it. He puts it on the sand, angled so he can see David and the water, and makes himself comfortable. Besides torturing me some more? Because you won, okay? There's nothing left. You got everything, hooray for you. David scoffs.
Unless you're here to convince me to throw myself into the ocean. I am here to give you a reason to live. I got away and you couldn't stand it. You couldn't stand me being happy for five whole seconds out of my entire life. I was expecting you to escape. To become a glorious sunrise. But instead you are reduced. Tied to a bed and drugged, your powers stolen from you. They make you suffer because they think that will purify you.
When the truth is, you have suffered beyond what they can imagine, and that is what made you into the very thing they fear.
Now leave me alone. He walks further down the beach, but Farouk is waiting for him when he gets there, still lounging in his chair with his drink. David glares at the sky, wondering what kind of history-book monster he must have been in a past life.
Maybe Genghis Khan. How many people did he kill, forty million? That's probably not enough for him to deserve this. Your friends will try to stop you.
After they tried so hard to help you. Farouk takes a sip of his drink. Then once you are gone, who will save them from me? He's livid, absolutely livid. Day 6: We're all real and we're all going to ge Day 6: Matilda doesn't belong to anyone but her Day 6: He's sitting on the bed in the white roo Day 6: He's just not very steady on his feet. Day 6: He didn't think he'd ever be outside aga Day 6: David fucking owes me a body.
Day 6: She misses his sweet, uncomplicated joy Day 7: You want to stay with us. So stay with u Day 7: Maybe suicide is just the ultimate form Day 7: She drew a heart for us. What a liar. Day 8: The Haller family. Day 8: Anything that heavy makes a great weapon I'm almost done.
Day 8: It's all completely fucked and nothing's Day 8: I didn't force him to do anything. Day 8: David is love. David survived. Day 8: They can all be one big happy adoptive f Day 8: Get the hell out, Fake David. Day 8: They're all him and they're all infected Day 8: They're all weapons, all these friends.
Day 8: And why should I let you save him? Day 9: What kind of person did he show you how Day 9: Love makes us weak. Day 9: So— How do we work?
Day 9: You used to be ours and we were yours. Day 9: We made you into a passenger. Day 9: Therapy is not helpful for minimizing th Day 9: The dose makes the poison.
Day 9: The good news is— We're alive. Day 9: Do you have any jazz records? Interlude I: Call me Amahl, David. Day There's always room for cherry pie. Day A ghost in a haunted house. Day Senior officer Busker reporting for dut Day Oliver used to have such a brilliant mi Day Stop trusting your enemies more than yo Day He wants to be happy. Day David deserves to be saved.
Day Real is overrated. Day What if nothing is ever enough? Day So you think I'm the nice one? Day New system, new notebook. Day She doesn't trust herself to have him. Day A human touch, sustained and painless. Day You think we love that monster? Day He's not going to be forgotten. Day You are not that lamp. Interlude II: She considers herself a surgeon o Interlude II: They were part of the monster, to Day What we had should have been ours.
Day He's not doing any of this alone. Day Who survives a lifetime of torture? Day She'll be the sister Syd never had. Day The person who knows what's best for yo Day A sufficiently therapeutic prosthetic. Day His thought could have been her own. Day Thanks.
For the Twizzlers. Day Four hours isn't enough for me. Day You can have my cherries. Day Let's start with crisis management. Day Maybe Dvd's love is cherries after all Day Arguing about definitions at this point Day Sometimes we learn the wrong things. Day Are you prepared to be reborn? Day You're both more than stress responses Day Simple action and reaction producing ma Day I am Dvd.
I survived. Day I am Divad. Day A shattered mess that used to be a per Day Is this you giving us your approval? Day You need the truth about Benny. Day You can love someone and still do terr Day We all need healthy touch to survive.
Day Headmates. I like that. Day All the makings of a strong foundation Day What you need is a notebook. Interlude III: Love can also be a kind of tort Interlude III: Our little secret.
Interlude IV: Kerry needs you to wake up Interlude IV: To belong somewhere and not be s Day Let's try it with the glove off. Day A sky full of stars. Day It's not torture. Day He's not used to talking about his fee Day Original flavor Lenore Busker.
Day Did you ever thank him for that? Day Lost her in the desert. Day System waffles. Day Helping you is part of my session. Day The true person is the soul. Day Some unknowable number of untended wou Day System-to-system. Day The Gateway to Hell. Day There's never going to be another Benn Day You got the best of both worlds. Day Professor Charles Xavier Day I want to share again. Day You were already my friend. Day You always loved the stars. Day She has a heartbeat.
Interlude V: I don't want to be David. Interlude V: Dad's gone. Interlude V: Father and son. Husband and wife Day David wakes up. Day There's no way he's not a trap. Day He made me love him. Day Just like Syd. Day A bloodied, half-dead bird. Day David's soul is right here beside her Day Farouk really was the monster. Day We take consent very seriously here. Day He made a you that needs him. Day Let's talk about telepathy. Day It's my job to keep the world safe.
Day They'd talk to me. Day Ornamental pond fish, three letters. Day I need to blow something up. Day I believe you, Davey. I believe you. Day Wide open and connected. Day David and the Purple Crayon Day She needs to see his regret. Interlude VI: We're in David's dream. Day Melanie's body is missing. Day The soul comes joyful to the eye. Day I'm here to rescue you. Day Why can't I remember? Day Kerry and Cary! Kerry and Cary! Day A way to disconnect from your trauma.
Day Physician, heal thyself. Day My brother is a robot. Day I'm David. And so are you. Day How likely is retaliation? Day You're strong enough to take it back. Day It's not torture. Day He's not used to talking about his fee Day Original flavor Lenore Busker.
Day Did you ever thank him for that? Day Lost her in the desert. Day System waffles. Day Helping you is part of my session. Day The true person is the soul. Day Some unknowable number of untended wou Day System-to-system.
Day The Gateway to Hell. Day There's never going to be another Benn Day You got the best of both worlds. Day Professor Charles Xavier Day I want to share again. Day You were already my friend. Day You always loved the stars. Day She has a heartbeat. Interlude V: I don't want to be David.
Interlude V: Dad's gone. Interlude V: Father and son. Husband and wife Day David wakes up. Day There's no way he's not a trap. Day He made me love him. Day Just like Syd. Day A bloodied, half-dead bird. Day David's soul is right here beside her Day Farouk really was the monster.
Day We take consent very seriously here. Day He made a you that needs him. Day Let's talk about telepathy. Day It's my job to keep the world safe. Day They'd talk to me. Day Ornamental pond fish, three letters. Day I need to blow something up. Day I believe you, Davey. I believe you. Day Wide open and connected. Day David and the Purple Crayon Day She needs to see his regret. Interlude VI: We're in David's dream.
Day Melanie's body is missing. Day The soul comes joyful to the eye. Day I'm here to rescue you. Day Why can't I remember? Day Kerry and Cary!
Kerry and Cary! Day A way to disconnect from your trauma. Day Physician, heal thyself. Day My brother is a robot. Day I'm David. And so are you. Day How likely is retaliation? Day You're strong enough to take it back. Day We had rather different tastes. Day All he wanted was to get back what he Day Cross out your trauma, mark it done?
Day Eleven masks at once seems excessive. Day Allies protect each other. Day I just want him back. Day The wrong mask. Day Memory is built on connections. Day All of this is ours. Day She remembers being Melanie Bird. Day Matching frequencies. Day Cary forgot what it was like, to see O Day She's starting to feel right at home. Day People don't go on dates with stress r Day Whole. Just for a moment. Day You can also be whole, if you make the Day It's time.
Night: The moon and the sun. Night: The compass points directly at David. Night: We're going to make a wonderful team. Night: Amahl is here. He's part of me. Night: People only ever see what they want to Night: We gotta figure this out ourselves. Night: You're under arrest for the murder of D Night: Everything David was is inside me. Night: You are my masterpiece. Night: We're your gods now.
Night: Be what you need to be. Night: How about we all have a chat? Night: The motion of change is beautiful. Night: His rational mind knows the truth. Night: The world screams and I am its god. Night: Charles was a private man. There's not much David can do while he's strapped to a bed with needles in his brain.
He can barely move and can't use his powers, and frankly even thinking is hard when his head is throbbing like a drum. But thinking is what he has to do. He's supposed to get better, but he doesn't know what that means. He doesn't even know what it means that he's sick. They all said he was, Syd and Cary and Kerry and Clark and the Admiral, and even his own hallucination thinks he's sick.
So he must be. He must be, because that's the thing about being sick. The sickness tells you you're healthy, that nothing's wrong, that everything is fine just the way it is. But everything isn't fine. It's not even in the same galaxy as fine. Everything's gone wrong but he doesn't understand how it happened, how it all slipped through his fingers like water.
For one blissful moment, he was happy, he was free, he was in love. And then he had a mission, a purpose, for the first time in his life. He had to stop Farouk, stop the bad guy.
People were relying on him to protect them. He was their hero. But he had to help Farouk, too, apparently so Farouk could kill him before he destroyed the world. Because he's the villain. He doesn't understand. None of it makes sense, but it makes sense to everyone else. Enough that they're ready to kill him if he doesn't get better, whatever getting better even means.
Something is wrong with him, though. He knows that something is wrong with him because he hurt Syd. He would never hurt her, not like— Not like—. But he did. Oh god, he did. He drugged her — altered her mind so she wouldn't stop loving him — and then he had sex with her.
That is an actual thing he did to the woman he loves, and he didn't even know it was wrong until it was too late. That's what's sick. Maybe they shouldn't be bothering to try to help him. Maybe there's no point, if this is what he is now. They should just execute him and get it over with instead of trying to save what can't be saved. If he doesn't even know when he's hurting people, how can he stop himself from doing it again? He's not sure what she's supposed to do to protect him.
If Farouk shows up there's nothing anyone can do to stop him. But he's glad to have her company. She sits down in the chair next to the bed. Do you need some more water? Or, you know, the other thing? David flushes with fresh humiliation. Apparently he can't even be trusted with his own hands so he can piss. But he's lost the right to any human kindness. He's not a person anymore, just a patient, a prisoner justly condemned. Or justly enough, anyway. Maybe it's good to practice on someone else.
It's such an enormous question that David can't even begin to answer it. But of course that's not how she meant it. Helping me? David prays for strength.
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